Trust
by indianpipe
Summary: Reid does not graduate highschool at 12. He and JJ are the same age and struggle through their senior year together. Reid/JJ
1. Chapter 1

AN: JJ/Reid story AU. Reid does not graduate highschool at 12, so he and JJ are the same age when they meet and struggle through their senior year together.

"One must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life." E.M. Forrester

Spencer had grown 5 inches since the beginning of last year and because of it he had saved very carefully over the summer, out of his tight budget he managed to purchase some new clothes for the start of his Senior year. He had a feeling few people would recognize him as 3 of the inches he had grown had been over the summer, and that was quite alright with him. He intended his Senior year to be a good one, awaiting only one more college acceptance, but the most important, from Caltech he had his future now partially mapped out. He stirred some oatmeal on the stove and his cheerful mood faltered thinking that he would have to figure out what to do with his mother while he was off at college, yes that was the hurdle for this year and quite possibly the hardest challenge he had had to face yet.

After seeing to his mother's breakfast and early morning necessities he set off for the familiar half mile walk to the highschool. Chemistry, was first period and every other day a double period due to lab. He walked into the classroom greeted by one of his favorite teachers, Dr. Carter.

"Spencer…how was your summer?" He asked jovially.

"Very good sir." Spencer stopped at the desk to talk with well…really, his friend. Dr. Carter had been his Science teacher his very first year of highschool and had mentored and befriended the brilliant boy all the way through…if it hadn't had been for Dr. Carter Spencer knew high school could have been a horrible place for him. Oh he still had to contend with bullies and teasing but he knew he had a real ally in the building and it truly helped make things more tolerable.

Spencer took a seat at the first row of lab tables and started taking out his notebook and pens. The other students filed in taking up seats and settling in, the first day of school was usually pretty boring, uneventful. The bell rang and Dr. Carter pulled out his attendance list and then the door opened and a girl with blond hair walked in, she was late and she blushed as she approached Dr. Carter with some papers. Spencer recognized her from the Library, he didn't know her name but knew she was pretty studious, though they had never had a class together.

"JJ?" Dr. Carter greeted her.

"I'm sorry I'm late but my schedule got mixed up and I'd like to take your class." She stated expectantly.

"Yes I think I can arrange that Miss Jareau." He smiled.

Spencer noticed they seemed to know each other, he thought and remembered her coming into the Library a few times quite late wearing a soccer uniform, probably after a game, it had impressed Spencer at the time because not many of the jocks were that conscientious. He knew Dr. Carter coached the girls soccer team.

Before he knew it the blond girl was walking his way.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" she said shyly, and then her tone and voice went almost inaudible… "I have to sit near the board." She admitted.

Spencer just stared, he didn't interact with a lot of his peers and so was unaccustomed to conversation with them.

"No?" JJ answered what she thought he might be thinking and sighed.

Spencer snapped out of his trance and said, "Uh…the seats not taken."

JJ smiled and said, "Thanks…I'm Jennifer but all my friends call me JJ."

Reid placed the name in his mind…he had heard it shouted out at a few pep rally's he had to endure. She wasn't just a jock she was a star jock. His heart sunk a little, thinking that her taking up residents next to him would surely draw unwanted attention upon himself for the entire year. He wished he had been quick enough to make an excuse when she had inquired after the seat but she had seemed so polite and her shiny hair had distracted him he had been at a loss for words.

Once settled they began taking notes and then the inevitable lecture on safety. This was after all advanced Chemistry and they would be using some dangerous chemicals for more complicated experiments this year.

The rest of the day had gone quietly and wanting to get a jumpstart on his new classes Spencer headed off to the library right after school. He had been there only a quarter of an hour when a group of girls walked in together. They were giggling and talking and the librarian shushed them. They sat one table over and he noticed JJ was with them. He stole one glance and then put his head down to his book trying to become invisible.

"JJ you have to start wearing your glasses, it's gonna start effecting your game. You hit the goal post twice today when I know you could have made that shot."

Spencer could not help himself, he looked up to see JJ blushing furiously and bringing her finger to her lips to quiet her loud friend. "Sheila, please we have to be quiet. I can't get kicked out I have to study,"JJ pleaded with her friend.

Spencer put his head down again hoping that JJ's friend would take her sensible advice and be quiet, although he couldn't help but think of why his new lab partner wouldn't wear her glasses, his lay aside of his book now, not needing them for close work but slipping them on for anything further than 6 inches away, he suspected distance was her problem as well as the loud girl had mentioned it had started affecting her game which he had suspected was soccer, hence; 'hitting the goal post'. Spencer shook his head, chiding himself for wasting time thinking on the matter and coming to the conclusion that the reason was tied up with vanity. JJ was very pretty and she probably didn't want a pair of glasses spoiling her features, silly…another vain jock Spencer thought.

A half an hour went by and Spencer had gotten lost in his Chemistry text, finishing the first three chapters . His reading speed had increased proportionally to his height and he had learned to scan pages, using just one finger to anchor is vision. He put his glasses back on and was going to get up and stretch when he noticed JJ was all alone now, the loud girls had left and she was quietly taking some notes out of what looked like there Chemistry book. She looked up when he had pushed his chair in and to his surprise she waved to him. He looked behind him thinking it was someone else she was saying 'Hi' to. He heard her giggle and he turned back around.

She was standing just feet away now and it had startled him.

"Ooh, I didn't mean to startle you." She smiled. "You're Spencer right? I think I saw it on your notebook today in Chem…" she said

"Um yeah…Spencer… Reid." He stated. He felt the top button of his short sleve oxford constricting as he spoke, his throat all of a sudden felt like a desert.

"I hope you don't mind I took the seat next to you today…I know that probably means we'll be lab partners…is that okay with you?"

Spencer stood confused, he wasn't used to someone talking to him so kindly, most kids would draw him into conversation to make fun of him or use him for his knowledge…sometimes he was taken by surprise by the sleight and sometimes he felt it coming but obliged anyway…just lonely for someone to talk with.

He was wary and his answer came out a little mean, "Well you have to sit close to the board and all the other people were paired off , so I guess it doesn't really matter what I think." He finished.

She looked a little hurt and Spencer felt uncomfortable, maybe he had been wrong about her, but it was so hard to tell sometimes.

"Okay." She said softly, the smile replaced with no expression. She walked back to her seat and flipped through her textbook not looking up again.

The month of September had flew by and school was in full swing. Spencer had been having a harder time than usual settling his mother in for a morning of reading before he left for school and so worried long after the morning bell rang. One morning in mid October he thought he would have to call in sick when his mother was so agitated she spilled her hot coffee all over his arm, it burned and he rushed to the sink to douse it with cold water, knowing that it was the proper first aid for such a burn. His mother settled down not even realizing she had burned him. By the time he had gotten her resettled and changed his shirt to long sleeves he had to walk at a clipped pace. He had made time by taking a short cut to school and collapsed in his seat in Chemistry thankful the class was empty for a few minutes so he could calm his nerves and collect his thoughts. His arm stung and the feeling of the material pained against the red skin. He lifted up the sleeve for some relief before anyone entered when JJ walked in quickly.

"Hi Spencer." She was always so nice to him even though he barely spoke to her, but he had gotten used to her cheerful chatter over the last month and had begun to like her, she was quick minded and very studious.

She saw the red mark on his arm as he tried to quickly slip his sleeve over the burn, but his wince gave it away.

"Spencer, you hurt yourself…" she said softly. Spencer grew hot with embarrassement.

"Are you in pain?" She leaned in from her seat next to him. "Would you like to go to the Nurse?" Her head tilted and her voice sounded worried.

He would have to explain, "I just spilled some coffee on myself this morning." He tried to sound fine but the throbbing in his arm was distracting him.

"Awww." She cooed softly. She got up and went into the lab closest and got a towel. She ran some cold water on it and came around to Spencer on the other side. "If you roll up your sleeve I can place this on it very gently and it will feel better."

Spencer was at a loss, no one was so kind or gentle with him and for the first time in he didn't know how many years he rolled his sleeve up and let her help him. She gently wrapped the cloth around the angry red burn and then walked to her backpack and retrieved a little packet of Tylenol from her bag. "This will help with the pain so you can focus on class." She smiled. She then found a cup in the closet and filled it with water from a bottled water she had in her bag. On complete auto pilot Spencer took the cup and the medicine.

"Thank you Jennifer." He whispered.

She took the cup back, "You have to call me JJ now Spence." She laughed.

He smiled, "Thank you JJ." He said.

By the time Dr. Carter had started the lesson Spencer felt better, the pain medicine had kicked in and the cool cloth felt soothing under his shirt sleeve. JJ watched and when Spencer had to use two hands for the experiment they were working on JJ would anticipate and she would help him with the other beakers. Dr. Carter commented to the class that they showed real team work in doing their work together.

The fall was in full swing and with it soccer season. Spencer hadn't seen JJ at the library in about a week, he had heard that coach Carter was training them very hard. Sometimes, if Spencer left the library late he would take the side door to exit, it backed up right on the soccer field. He tried not to be obvious but he would sometimes glimpse her blond hair flying out on the field or hear her name being called by one of the other players.

Tonight he had decided to take the side entrance, the weather had turned rainy but as soon as he opened the door he could see the team was still on the field. As he was walking by Dr. Carter had blown the whistle for the girls to leave, suddenly Spencer's path was filled with girls in purple shorts running to avoid what looked like might turn into a downpour. Spencer tried to see if JJ was in the crowd, why he didn't really know but he had taken to checking up on her, just to see if she was ok that was…

"Hi Spence", he heard from behind him. She came around, flushed from the running, perspiration on her sleeveless shoulder, her hair tied back in a pony tail. Spencer swallowed trying to seem like he hadn't been looking for her…checking on her.

"Oh Hi JJ," His voice squeaked on the JJ and he berated himself.

The wind had kicked up and it was colder. He saw JJ shivering from sweating.

"You'd better run ahead JJ it's cold and you're damp from running." He said with a serious tone.

JJ nodded and ran on ahead, following Spencer's advice. The heavens had held off from opening up until Spencer was only a quarter mile from home but when it did it was tremendous. Spencer pulled up his collar and scrunched down into his jacket, it was raining so hard his glasses where getting blurry, he had to slow down and wipe them off every few seconds.

"Spence." He heard a voice and turned to look next to him, it was JJ in a sedan, on the passenger side.

"Come on, you're getting soaked, my mom can give you a ride." She smiled out the window.

Spencer hesitated for a minute but at the rate he was going he'd be drowned by the time he got home. He ran to the back door and hopped in the back seat.

"Mom, this is my friend Spencer, we take Chemistry together. Spencer this is my Mom." JJ said.

"Very nice to meet you Spencer." No sooner had JJ's mother greeted Spencer than hailstones started hitting the car. JJ let out a little shriek.

"Don't worry JJ it's just hailstones," Spencer reassured her, they were unaccustomed to them in Las Vegas. "The air is experiencing a cold front, so all the water molecules in the clouds are forming ice pellets and well essentially falling due to gravity."

JJ had her hands over her head, the noise of them falling on the car was disconcerting, even for Spencer and JJ's mother. Spencer could see they were small and probably wouldn't damage the car.

"It will be over soon." He tried to soothe JJ.

It stopped as quickly as it started and JJ's mother headed back on the road. They dropped him off at his front door and waved goodbye. JJ's mother had that pretty blond hair too and Spencer could tell she was where JJ got her gentle nature, before he had left the car her mother had made him promise to change his wet things as soon as he got inside and have something warm to drink. He smiled at the thought of it, but as soon as he walked in the door he was met with a flying book. He sighed knowing that his mother was on a tirade. She believed the government was trying to steal things from her and she would practically tear the house apart looking for cameras and wire taps. Tears welled in Spencer's eyes and he felt so very guilty for wishing that he could have gone home with JJ and her mother and just had a peaceful evening for a change. Instead he walked into the apartment and dutifully calmed his mother down and started to clean up.

JJ and her mother double backed to elm street.

"He seems like a sweet boy…very polite." JJ's mother offered.

"Yeah…Spence is great." JJ smiled and unwittingly didn't see her mother's knowing glance.

By Thursday everyone had had enough of the bad weather and Spencer watched the rain pelt at the windows in the Chemistry room. The bell rang and Spencer looked around, not sure why JJ wasn't in her seat, then in a flash she strode in quickly and managed to be seated before Dr. Carter came out from the back room.

As their teacher wrote out the lab procedure on the blackboard Spencer looked over to JJ.

"Hey…" he said.

" Hey..ugg…", she said in a nasal alto.

Spencer turned to get a better view and saw that she looked pale, was clutching some tissues and was rummaging for something in her bag.

"JJ, are you alright." He asked worriedly.

"Yeah I'm OK, just forgot my water bottle." She said and then coughed , moving away from Spencer.

"Here you can have mine…I didn't open it yet." He handed it to her, trying to smile.

"Thanks Spence"

He didn't see JJ again until he was heading for his locker at the end of the day, she was at her locker with her head resting on the metal.

Spencer approached, "JJ are you alright?"

She looked up to him and was about to shake her head no when a crowd of girls came by.

"Cmon JJ we have to suit up, let's go the scouts from the local colleges are out their today, we have to make each other look good." Sheila said.

Spencer didn't move, the other girls trailed off toward the gym.

"You're not playing today?"

"I have to, no choice." She croaked, her voice now only a whisper.

"But your ill, and the weather is bad out JJ, I don't think it's a good idea."

JJ smiled but waved him off, "I'll be OK Spence, I just have to have some gator aid…just a little tired." She said weakly.

Spencer put his hand to her head, he tingled with the feel of her under his palm but he shook off the distraction and continued. "You feel warm." He said worriedly.

"I have to go…it's our most important game." She tried to sound convincing but knew she hadn't been. She grabbed her bag and trudged down the hallway.

Spencer shook his head. He would never understand the jock mentality. He left for the Library determined not to think about JJ, if she was going to be reckless with her health there was no way he could stop her…

He sat in the library for two hours trying not to think about JJ and doing nothing else but think about her. While he was sitting there a couple of boys came in and were talking about the game.

"To bad that was cancelled for the weather that was awesome…I love seeing girls in shorts slide in the mud." One of the guys had exclaimed.

"Yeah, did you see JJ go down, she is one sweet piece of meat."

Spencer felt rage in his blood. How could they talk about her like that, not even caring if she was hurt. Spencer couldn't just sit there, he did care if she was reckless about her health and there was something he could do about and he would. He stormed out of the library and followed the hall towards the gym. The halls were deserted, he figured he had missed her but was relaxed by the idea she was with her mother and probably on her way home to bed.

He turned the hall to head out to the main entrance and there she was leaning against the wall, presumably waiting for her mother.

"JJ" Spencer ran to her, not caring about being nonchalant or cool.

Her eyes were glassy and her forhead had little bead s of sweat forming on it.

"Spence," As she said his name she slid down in a heap on the floor.

Spencer gently took her bag off her lap and checked her forhead, "JJ, you're burning up."

She looked up at him, her eyes had tears in them, "I don't feel well Spence."

" I know JJ," He took her hand and squeezed it gently, "Is your Mom coming soon?" he asked, hopefully.

JJ nodded and shivered.

"Where's your jacket?" Spencer searched her things and looked in her bag. She shook her head not sure where she left it.

Spencer took his own jacket and put it on her front, she seemed to be dozing and then her eyes opened.

"Spence is my mom here?" JJ whispered, her throat Spencer imagined was raw by the way she was swallowing hard.

He checked outside and saw Mrs. Jareau's car heading down the school entrance.

"JJ she's here." Spencer announced but JJ was resting. He knelt down and tried to shake her.

"I don't think I can get up Spence…Mom needs to help." She said sluggishly. Spencer could see the fever had spiked, and with a little panicked adrenal he scooped her up in his arms and hurried out to the car.

"JJ!" JJ's mother leapt out of the car and ran around to the other side, she opened the passenger door and Spencer laid JJ down on the seat.

"She's very ill Mrs. Jareau, fever, chills, I think a bad throat…she needs a doctor." Reid spoke quickly, genuinely worried about his friend.

"Yes, I'll take her right now." JJ's mom assured him.

Spencer was about to close JJ's door when she called to him.

"Spencer, your jacket." She was about to take it off.

"No..no…JJ, you need that to keep you warm…I have a sweater in my bag, don't worry your Mom is taking you to the Doctor." Spencer spoke gently, remembering how she had only a few weeks ago spoken to him when he had burned his arm. He readjusted the jacket, tucking the sleeves around her so it wouldn't shift and he closed the door.

All weekend Spencer thought about what had transpired, sometimes he couldn't help replay the sensation of holding her, the fragrant smell of her hair or the vulnerable look in her eyes when he had placed her on the front seat of her mother's car. He blinked hard to get rid of the images, they were distracting him from work and responsibilities. He knew he was being foolish, she would never like him as more than a friend. He had worked to hard and endured to much to think of letting something so irrational as a pretty girl interfere with his plans. That was it, he told himself, no more worrying, no more dwelling, she had a family and friends, well her friends weren't much, leaving her at school so ill she couldn't even walk out to the car, but none the less she had her mother to look after her and she would be fine.

Monday came and Spencer prepared and did his Chemistry experiment alone, no JJ. He tried to convince himself it was better this way, no distractions, no extra talking he could focus on improving his method, take extra notes on the ingredients. He finished up and was walking out when Dr. Carter stopped him.

"Spencer…Can I ask you a favor?" He held some folders with papers in them.

Spencer stopped at the desk, adjusting his messenger bag.

"I know you and JJ are lab partners and I was wondering if you could drop off these assignments at her house, I think it's on your way home." Dr. Carter looked up.

"Is JJ alright?" Spencer asked. His brow furrowed and all the emotions and worry he had been blocking came to the front of his mind.

"She will be, her mother called the school today…looks like the doctor wants her in bed for a day or two." He supplied.

Spencer thought about the idea of seeing her, going to her house, his stomach clenched but he agreed and took the folders from Dr. Carter and slipped them into his bag.

Dr. Carter handed him a slip of paper with the address and told him he would call Mrs. Jareau and they could expect him around 5.

Spencer nodded his head in agreement and left for his next class.

When he got to the Jareau's house it was starting to get dark. The air was clear, all the bad weather had been blown out by the wind.

Spencer smoothed down his hair and checked his shirt to see if it was tucked in under his sweater. He rang the doorbell and his heart thundered in his chest. He was surprised when JJ, herself, answered the door, she was clad in pajama pants and a longsleeve t-shirt. She looked so much better that Spencer's shoulders sagged with relief.

"Hi Spence, come on in." she smiled.

"Should you be out of bed?" He queried.

" Oh I feel so much better, I don't know why I have to stay home." With that she turned her head to cough, it sounded a little deep and loose.

"Jennifer Katherine you know you're supposed to be resting." JJ's mother came in from what Spencer could see was the kitchen. The house was very small but had a cozy feel and smelled like lavendar. JJ walked over to the couch and climbed under a blanket that lay rumpled on top.

"Hello Spencer, thank you so much for staying with JJ at the school and helping her out to the car." Mrs. Jareau said earnestly.

Spencer felt a lump in his throat and he wasn't sure why. He didn't trust himself not to squeak out an answer so he just shook his head.

"Excuse me I have to check on dinner." JJ's mother walked back to the kitchen to stir a pot on the stove.

Spencer walked over to JJ and sat on a rocker near the couch he rifled through his bag and handed her the folder with her assignments in them.

"Thanks." JJ took the folders and started to look through them.

Spencer sat quietly next to her, happy to be near her again, he was relieved but a little angry that she had put herself in such a position and he couldn't help himself he had to say it.

"JJ,", he was looking right at her and when he called her name her head came up from the papers. "Why did you play in that game when you were so sick...I mean you could have told Dr. Carter, he would have understood."

"I had to Spence, the whole team was relying on me...I couldn't let them down." she reasoned.

Spencer stared off thinking that she had no idea what those kids were really like, they didn't care about her, they just wanted JJ to make them look good for the college scouts.

"I can see you don't approve, but Spence you don't understand, soccer is my ticket to college, I do well in school, yeah, but I'm no genius like you, I have to work really hard and if you haven't noticed we don't have a lot of extra money lying around. If I don't get a hefty scholarship, I can't go." Her voice went hoarse and she started to cough. Spencer looked up with concern and guilt, he was always so consumed with his own problems he realized he barely noticed others struggling.

JJ's mother came in with some water for JJ and turned to Spencer. "Spencer I made a casserole, would you like to stay for dinner?" she asked him.

Spencer didn't know if JJ still wanted him there, he looked to her and she was smiling, inviting him with an expectant look.

"Yes, thanks Mrs. Jareau."

On his way home after dinner Spencer thought about the evening. It had been so calm, the house was small but neat, the dinner was tasty and their was even cookies homemade for dessert. JJ and her mother had talked and laughed about an old T.V. show JJ had watched while she was getting better on the couch. He had even done a little magic trick for them at the table while they had their cookies, they seemed to like it very much. Tears came to his eyes halfway home, how could he be angry with JJ for trying so hard, wasn't he doing that every day but in a different way, sitting in JJ's house tonight made him see so clear what he didn't have and probably never would and it hurt down deep, he swatted at the tears coming down, feeling desparate that one of the best nights of his life had to be ruined by these thoughts. He would have to enjoy what he had and move on, there was no sense in wishing the hours away. He unlocked the door to his apartment and all seemed quiet, his mother had gone to sleep reading in bed, he lifted the book from her chest and covered her with a blanket. He got ready for bed and slipped under the cover but before drifting off he thought about leaving JJ's house that night.

"Thank you for the dinner Mrs. Jareau, it was very good." He had been honest.

"You're very welcome Spencer." She had said on her way in to the kitchen to do the dishes.

"Spence, thank you for everything, and for the homework too. I better do some tonight before I fall behind to far." she said as she yawned.

"I...uh...I can help you with it...if you like...on Saturday at the library if you want?" He asked tentatively.

JJ looked up to him, a little surprised. "You will?"

"Sure." he looked away unable to meet her gaze.

He couldn't help himself, "You should get some rest."He smiled as she nodded her head, acquiesing. He felt a sense of he wasn't sure what diffuse through him and he really wanted to kiss her, to walk her over to the couch, see to it that she was safe on the couch and then kiss her good night, but he didn't and he knew he probably never would, but it had been enough and he could use the image of her standing there when he needed it, when he was lonely and needed to think of a friend.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Disclaimer; I own nothing, just writing for fun, no money being made.

"Our distrust is very expensive." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Spencer had been in the library for 2 hours, he had received a thick envelope in the mail from Caltech this morning and still was unable to open it, it sat on a pile of books he had lugged to the library in his messenger bag.

"Good Morning Spence." JJ had walked up behind him and seated herself next to him at the worn wooden table.

He turned to her, his thoughts a jumble what with the letter from school and her meeting him at the library.

"Feeling better?" he said. He took her in, allowing himself one long gaze. Her hair and skin glowed, it had turned cold and frosty this morning and the evidence clung to her, cheeks blooming with a kiss of rose color. She wore a white turtle neck and a blue sweater that brought out the color of her eyes.

"Definitely." She replied while rummaging through her back pack, pulling out textbooks and notebooks.

She looked up and caught him staring and smiled. "Are you laughing at all my books?" she questioned.

Spencer snapped out of his gaze and tried to cover up. "No,..uh no, I was just thinking." He finished with a smile.

"Oh yeah…bout what?" JJ asked.

Spencer thought quickly, of course he had just been lost in looking at her…how pretty she was but he surely couldn't say that so he instead motioned to the envelope on top of his books.

"What's that?" she peered over.

"Letter from Caltech…I can't seem to bring myself to open it." Spencer said with a glum sigh.

"Oh but you have to….I 'm sure your in." JJ sat down next to him. "Do you want me to read it to you?" She asked.

He only nodded his head in reply. He watched as she lifted the envelope, time slowed, he closed his eyes, the moment didn't seem real.

JJ read aloud., "We are happy to inform you…" Spencer didn't hear the rest, he had to concentrate on not breaking down, he never should have let her open it….He was so relieved but scared at the same time, so many emotions swirled in his heart and mind, he abruptly excused himself to go to the mens room leaving JJ dumbfounded and staring after him.

He removed his glasses and splashed some cold water on his face…he knew he had to get back out there and explain himself, after all, he was the one who had told her to come to the library, but his stomach clenched and his head swam…_What will I do with my Mother, she can't live alone and if I want to excel at Caltech it will take all my time…I can't take care of her anymore. _He wiped his face with a paper towel and put his glasses back on…He looked at himself in the mirror. He hadn't had a chance to wash his hair in the shower this morning because he heard a loud crash and quickly had to check on his mother, it clung to his head, he looked pale and some acne had broken out on his chin, he shook his head not feeling up to being in JJ's presence, but he had to forge forward, she needed his help and he wouldn't go back on his word.

He emerged from the hallway that the mens room was situated in and looked across the library, JJ was seated , quietly doing her homework, as he got closer he saw that something was laying on his notebook, it was a candy bar and a folded piece of paper. "What's this" he asked, confused.

JJ just looked up to him and smiled, "Open it, and you'll see."

He unfolded the note and it read; Congratulations! You are going to be totally Awesome and kick major butt at Caltech! Love, JJ

He blinked and read it again. And then he started to laugh, really laugh…

JJ looked over to him and started to giggle, "What?" she said, tickled with the fact that Spencer was laughing, he rarely did.

"I don't know…I guess I never thought of myself as kicking butt." He grabbed the candy bar, broke it in half and gave JJ the other piece. "Thanks."

They worked steadily for 2 hours, Spencer feeling cheered by the thought that someone was in his corner. JJ had missed quite a bit of math and Spencer was going over some of the problems she needed to catch up on. He was impressed how quickly she caught on, other students he had tutored in the past were such a chore, they didn't care and half the time didn't listen, but JJ was different, she listened intently and asked good questions. He could see Math was what she struggled with most but she stuck to it until she mastered it and he really liked her for that.

"Spence I need to use the ladies room I'll be right back." JJ admitted.

Spencer took the opportunity while she was gone to pull out the Science Fair form Dr. Carter had given him a few days ago. He had an idea to try something in Chemistry but wasn't sure if he would do it this year, afterall he was into the college he wanted to go to, it would be extra work, but he did love the fair, at this level everyone was super serious and he enjoyed checking everyone's projects out and then getting to teach and explain his own project. While he was thinking JJ came back.

"What's that?"

Spencer explained it was the form to enter the Science Fair. "It's being held outside this year, right here on the library grounds."

"That's kinda cool. Are you going to enter?" JJ said.

"I'm thinking about it." Spencer admitted.

They were interrupted when Steve Taylor walked up to their table.

"Hey JJ." Taylor greeted JJ completely ignoring Spencer. Spencer watched their interaction with interest. Steve Taylor made Spencer very uncomfortable, he wasn't hostile or bullying but over the years they had been in classes together and Spencer had noticed that he was a liar. He had all the teachers charmed and fooled into thinking that he really cared about the subjects they were teaching and then would hear him say the most awful things about them to his buddies in the hall. He was handsome, an athlete and 4th ranked in the class, he had it all and probably could have any girl in the school he wanted.

"Hey Taylor." JJ smiled up at him.

"What are you guys studying?" Taylor sat down next to JJ.

"Math." JJ sighed.

"Oh great, mind if I join you" Taylor took out his notebook and settled in, still completely ignoring Spencer.

JJ turned to Spencer looking up to him, asking him with her eyes if it was ok.

He nodded back a yes, not wanting to make waves.

He and Taylor were in the same calculus class and had some intense problems for homework, it had taken Spencer 40 minutes to do them and that was saying something.

"Hey Spence, did you get the answer to the last question on the homework." Taylor asked without even looking at him.

And there it was, the usual reason anyone wanted to sit with Spencer Reid. No exchange of conversation, in this case not even a hello. Why should he help him, he thought. Spencer bent over and retrieved his notebook out of his messenger bag, he knew why, if he helped Taylor, the football team would leave him be, it was a subtle form of extortion, fairly painless for him but it galled him none the less.

JJ had gone bag to her Trigonometry, quietly applying what he had taught her.

Taylor basically just copied down the answer, making no attempt at working the problem out for himself, although Spencer knew he would later, lying and cheating were not above him but he couldn't be 4th in the class without smarts, he had to take the tests.

He slid the math notebook back to Spencer, no thank you. Spencer shook his head imperceptibly.

"Hey JJ, I'm heading over to the mall, the football team and cheer squad are doing a fundraiser…free food? Wanna come?" Taylor smiled a toothy grin.

"I can't…to much to do." She sighed.

"Just letting you know…Jeff will be there." Spencer couldn't help himself his head came up and he looked over to JJ, she was blushing and smiling.

She pointed at all her book on the table, "gotta catch up from being out sick last week." She said.

"Well, if you get bored…I'm sure he'd be glad if you came." Taylor said dramatically.

He left without an acknowledgement to Spencer and as he was walking away Spencer heard JJ mutter the word 'jerk' under her breath. He laughed softly, happy that JJ understood exactly what Taylor was all about but also thinking of who this Jeff was…he searched his mind for Jeff's, athletes, football, bingo…Jeff Watkins, tall, blond. Spencer actually thought Jeff was a pretty good guy, they had known each other since kindergarten and Jeff never failed to say, hi to him in the hallways. They had government class together and he did well at debating, he had a fairly organized mind, Spencer thought. He shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with the idea that he liked JJ and by the blush he saw on her cheeks she probably liked him too.

His thoughts on the matter were interrupted by a loud growl next to him. He looked over.

"Was that your stomach?" he chuckled.

JJ looked up and put her hand across her midsection and laughed. "Guess I'm hungry."

"Did you bring lunch?" He inquired.

"To tell you the truth I forgot about food." She admitted sheepishly.

"Well…I have a sandwich…we could go sit in the lobby and share it?" He said while he retrieved a brown bag from his book bag.

"Oh I don't want to take your food Spence." She said.

"No it's ok I made breakfast for my Mom before I left and I had some…" He trailed off, thinking that he wished he hadn't said that, he didn't like telling anyone about all the things he had to do for his mother, he knew people would think it was weird or pathetic, and he just didn't want the attention.

"Wow, you're so sweet making breakfast for your Mom! I should do that for my Mom tomorrow, she's always doing nice things for me." JJ said as she rose from her seat.

Spencer smiled inwardly thinking, how much he really did like her, even beyond the looks, she was so positive and kind.

They sat for half an hour eating Spencer's pb and j and talking about school, they made their way back to the subject of the Science Fair.

"I'm definitely coming if you enter, I think it will be fun, especially outside, maybe I will talk to Dr. Carter and the soccer team could have a concession with some food.

"JJ…why don't you enter?" Spencer looked right at her, questioning.

"Me…oh I don't think I could come up with a good enough idea…I mean if you are going to be in it would be at a pretty high level…right?" she wondered aloud.

Spencer was flattered but perplexed by her lack of confidence.

"You are definitely smart enough…I'm your lab partner remember I know you're very smart." He stated firmly.

JJ blushed and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I wouldn't know where to begin."

They had finished their sandwiches and Spencer motioned for JJ to follow him. She did without question. He headed over to a bank of computers and turned one on. He typed Science Fair ideas into a search engine and moved over so she could see.

"Oh, Wow." She said as she sat down the chair Spencer had vacated. JJ had no idea there was so much information on project ideas on the computer.

Spencer reached around her and worked the mouse, scrolling down the titles. "Oh, this would be perfect for you JJ. You did very well on our titration test, remember you had to correct one of my problems on that section." Spencer smiled as he revisited the memory. They were very close now, he with his arm around her, standing behind her chair, he felt her internal warmth.

"Well that was a test, not real experimentation…besides I'm not sure how I would make that into an interesting project." Her shoulders slumped.

"Well let's click on it and see what they have to say?" He supplied.

They stood and read the format of the experiment. JJ unexpectedly turned in her swivel chair and Spencer brought himself up quickly, irrationally trying to hide the fact that he was enjoying the position they had held, reading over the computer.

"I actually have an idea that could go with this." She excitedly said, beaming at Spencer.

"Great…you know I was thinking JJ this will look good on your college applications too." He provided.

She popped up from her seat and gave Spencer a hug without thinking. He went completely stiff, not because he didn't like the idea of getting a hug but more because it was so alien to him, his mother, although kind to him at times, had gone so inward due to her illness that he had not received physical affection in longer than he could remember. He flushed from the sudden contact and did not know how to arrange his expression.

"Oh, I'm sorry Spence, JJ stepped back realizing she made him uncomfortable. I just got excited, you always make me feel like I can do things that I didn't think I could." Her sentence got quiet at the end, sensing that she had revealed to much. She blushed and covered with a gesture toward their table. "We'd ought to get back now." She smiled.

Spencer was grateful for some direction and nodded his head in agreement. He wasn't sure he could or wanted to move from the spot but his body cooperated and he walked over to their table and sat down.

A few minutes later he found his voice and said, "JJ if you need direction or have questions you can ask me…about the Science Fair…I mean I know I'm not allowed to help but…" He trailed off.

"Thanks." She said quietly.

They worked for another hour contentedly until JJ started to cough. She was still getting over her cold and needed to get back home to take her medicine.

Spencer looked up to make sure she was O. K.

She turned away to cough and she retrieved some throat drops from her bag.

"I should probably go home now. I'm kind of tired and I have to take a dose of medicine." She confessed.

"Is your Mom coming?" Spencer hoped she wasn't walking home, it had turned chilly. He silently wished he could drive but it wouldn't do much good he couldn't afford a car. He knew Jeff and Taylor both had cars, he'd seen them driving them to school.

"No, she's working all day today. It's O.K., getting kind of stiff in here anyway." She stated.

Spencer told her he would leave now too, not really wanting to get back but glad for the opportunity to walk with JJ.

They packed up their stuff and put their jackets on.

"Here, let me take some of them." He smiled and grabbed her Chemistry and Math book.

"Oh, O.K."

They walked on the sidewalk, breeze blowing and dried leaves swirling around their feet. Spencer was tall and had to look down on JJ when she spoke and to see his response she had to look up. They talked about Science, books they had to read for English, and hopes they had for college, by the time they reached JJ's house Spencer knew that, although it was only Chemical Reaction, he was in love.

"Would you like to come in and have some hot cocoa…or is your mother expecting you?" JJ inquired.

"Uh…no." he lied. "I'd like that."

She directed him to the kitchen table and she set off on making the hot cocoa, but she was coughing again.

"Hey…you have to take your medicine." Spencer stood up from his seat, "Here let me finish this." He gently nudged her away from the stove and she went to retrieve her medicine. While she was upstairs in the bathroom a knock came to the door.

Spencer turned off the burner and was surprised to see Taylor at the door.

"What are you doing here?" He sounded confused and bit angry.

Spencer was tongue tied, not sure what to say… "Uh…I walked JJ home."

"O.K…., well service rendered, you may go now." Taylor replied crudely.

Spencer knew this kind of exchange was not good , his stomach clenched and experience told him to just leave right then, no conflict usually kept him from getting hurt, But he also knew he couldn't leave without saying goodbye and he didn't like that Taylor had showed up here and JJ's mother wasn't home. But then again, he thought, he was here and JJ's mother wasn't home…but that was different he reasoned.

"What did you not hear man…Good job…you are a perfect lap dog…keep up JJ's grades for her and get her into a good college and we won't have to beat the shit out of you, when you least expect it." Taylor moved on Spencer in a threatening way.

Spencer's eyes widened with fear. He couldn't process it all, it seemed surreal.

"Hey Spence, I can finish that if you want." The two boys heard JJ approaching from down the stairs.

"You say anything to her and you'll be sorry." Taylor spun Spencer around, using his neck as a handle and put them into a position of looking like buddies by the time JJ entered.

"Taylor?" She shifted her gaze from Taylor to Spence looking uneasy. "I didn't hear you come in.?"

"Oh yeah, I wanted to talk to you…but Spence just remembered he had to get home to his mother." Taylor lied.

Spencer's throat constricted_. Why did he say something about his mother? Did he know something about her? Oh God, please don't say anything in front of JJ._

"Is something wrong Spence?" JJ asked worriedly.

Spencer went to speak but Taylor cut him off. "No, she just doesn't like you out after dark, isn't that right buddy." Taylor chided.

Spencer turned red, he was making him look like a fool. He wouldn't admit that, it wasn't true…usually she didn't even know what time it was. And then he felt the squeeze on his neck, imperceptible to JJ due to the length of his hair, but it was choking him and only when Taylor stopped was he able to answer.

"Yes." He tried not to, but he sounded defeated, so pathetic, exactly how Taylor had wanted him to sound. He slapped him on the back and handed him his messenger bag.

Spencer reluctantly put the bag over his head and turned to say goodbye to JJ. His eyes pricked with tears, it had been such a wonderful day, he thought, why did things never work out for him.

JJ couldn't help herself she grabbed his forearms, looking worried. "Thank you so much for helping me…I'll see you Monday, OK?" she looked into his eyes.

Spencer knew this exchange would not bode well for him so he broke eye contact and instead of saying all the things he'd love to he just shrugged and said "Sure."

Spencer left with a heavy heart and a knot of fear in his stomach for JJ.

All the way home his stomach turned, he had to do everything from vomiting up bile. He took deep breaths, thinking of how awful he was, leaving JJ to deal with Taylor, and her mother not even being home. He was disgusted with himself, but when Taylor mentioned his mother an overwhelming fear paralyzed him that he somehow knew, that he knew the secret that he had been keeping for so many years, that his mother was, as they would all call her, crazy.

Tears welled in his eyes, he couldn't help but think of how he had described his friendship with JJ. Taylor had called him her lapdog…he had threatened him. Spencer punched the air near his leg with his fist. He should know better by now, getting mixed up with friendships just wasn't for him, it had been stupid to let himself…like JJ. _Who am I kidding, really Reid, are you blind…she's just being nice because you helped her and that's all. She's beautiful why would she even think twice about you for any other reason than to help her. _The last thought he knew was probably too harsh but how could he be sure, maybe it was subconscious on her part, maybe she was using him and not realizing it.

He let himself in to the apartment and saw immediately that something was not right. The kitchen had been completely pulled apart and dishes were broken in the corner. "Mom…uh..Diana." He had come to calling her Diana in times of high crisis, when she disassociated the worst, she didn't acknowledge that she was a mother.

He found her in the corner of the bedroom with her head in her hands. He sighed and began the work of calming her down..He walked over gently, talking in a soothing voice.

"Diana, let's get ready for bed now. You've had a trying time." He leaned down to help her up. He breathed a sigh of relief when she seemed to acquiesce.

"Oh you're here. I've been waiting for you" She looked at him in the eyes. Then, as would happen occasionally she seemed to have a sixth sense about him. "You're upset…you're exhausted." She purred.

These times were the worst, because Spencer so much wanted the concern to last but he knew that if he tried to tell her anything it would be met with confusion and possible violence…he bit back hard the urge to talk to his mother, his mother who had left so long ago. The dam of needs was becoming too hard to keep intact and Spencer knew that he was himself in danger of a breakdown, but for right now he had to attend to the physical and sometimes that's the only thing that kept him going. The taking of medicine for his mother, the helping her change, the cleaning , the cooking…it was all he wanted to do or think of now…he would lose himself in ritual and save life and feelings for someday in the future.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Only using characters for fun, not for money.

Sorry short…will try to do better.

**Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival**. ~C.S. Lewis

The next few weeks past slowly, Spencer moved through the days with one goal in mind; to be finished and gone from high school. He drove down the events at JJ's house and the library on Saturday and took on a new resolve. He let his memory do his thinking for him, no real thoughts passed his lips for weeks, he was mute save for the words of other authors; statisticians, mathematicians, Greek philosophers. It was working too, Taylor had left him alone, satisfied with his general apathy to assume him not a threat to JJ, and even JJ had cooled her conversations with him. She was busy with her Science fair project and college searches.

He kept himself busy through November and into early December, no time to think extraneously, he worked night and day on his Science Fair project and papers for Law and Government class. His intensity had paid off until right before Christmas break. Classes were relaxed with just a day before the vacation and this meant nothing to focus on, it meant sitting and chatting with friends, finishing up lessons early and talking of plans with each other and teachers.

Dr. Carter had brought in some fun experiments along with some cookies his wife had baked for his class.

The students had had to move to the back of the room, so as not to get anything splattered on them while Dr. Carter happily erupted a volcano, they all laughed and clapped when the lava was green and he had to wipe it from his glasses.

They resumed their seats and JJ had brought two cookies and two glasses of punch over for herself and Spencer from the table of treats.

"Here Spence, their chocolate chip" She smiled as she took a bite of her own.

"Thanks" he let the cookie lie on the napkin, afraid to eat it as if its contents would make him crumble.

JJ looked around the room and saw that everyone was laughing and talking and then she turned to Spencer and quietly said, "Spence are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?" Her voice was small and vulnerable.

Reid turned to her and felt compelled to speak his own words, the first in weeks. "No JJ" he picked up the cookie and put forth a smile to show that all was fine.

"I guess you have a lot on your mind now, with college and stuff." She was giving him an excuse for what he realized now was his rude behavior for the last few weeks.

"Yeah…kind of." He still wasn't facing her.

"Hey Spence some of us are gonna go for a ride and cut a Christmas tree down in the desert tomorrow, wanna come. We just have fun goofing around and stuff." She said hopefully.

Spencer shook his head, incredulous and a little angry that she had no clue the effect she had on him…did she not know these words would torture him for days. He would lie in bed or stand at the sink and think of all the places he couldn't go and the time he couldn't spend with her. The anger and frustration welled and he turned to her full on.

"Don't you see?" his voice was hard and foreign to her. He grabbed his books and left the room, the bell had not even rung, it was against the rules, he didn't care, he stormed to his locker and worked the combination.

Dr. Carter had looked up from his dessert to catch the sight of tears in JJ's eyes and see Spencer Reid exiting the room. He got up quickly and went in search of him.

"Spencer, is everything alright?" He inquired in a low voice.

"Fine…everything is fine..I uh…I just forgot something." Spencer tried to sound calm but his heart was beating fast and he felt sick at the thought of how he must have sounded.

Dr. Carter just looked at him for a moment, letting the boy calm himself.

"You must have a lot on your mind right now with college coming and all." The doctor turned and leaned up against the adjacent locker, allowing body language to say that he was not in a hurry and had time to listen.

No facts or statistics were forthcoming and so he just lied. "Yes, I have a lot to do." Spencer kept it short, he was tired and was feeling deeply ashamed of the way he had spoke to JJ back in the room.

"Gosh I envy you Spencer, I loved college, the classes, the ideas…"Dr. Carter paused laughing wryly at his memories. "…but do you know what really taught me the most?"

Spencer looked up almost ready to say his Chemistry professor but then studied the older man's expression realizing just quick enough he didn't want an answer.

"Having friends." He gazed at Spencer, holding eye contact long enough to make him understand.

Spencer shook his head reflexively in acknowledgement.

"Have a nice break Spencer, take a rest…that's homework." Dr. Carter smiled and turned to go back to his classroom.

He thought of JJ and closed his eyes only to be roused by a hard punch in the arm.

"What's wrong with you nerd…why did you make JJ cry, she's so nice to you too, why I don't know, your such a snob." Sheila, JJ's soccer buddy, accused him loudly.

"She's crying?" Spencer said worriedly.

"She won't say why but it was right after talking to you." Sheila stormed off.

He saw her coming down the hall, she swiped at tears that had been in her eyes and when she saw him she looked down at her shoes.

His chest felt crushed, he couldn't breathe, he had been the cause of this, his harsh words.

"JJ" He crossed the hall, thankfully she was alone and he cupped her elbow steering her into an empty classroom.

"I'm so sorry JJ…I'm…just…well…have a lot going on right now, but I shouldn't have spoken like that." He looked at her sincerely.

"Oh, no problem, it's OK."

He shook his head, she was a terrible liar.

"You know I should have thought…you would maybe feel uncomfortable, I should apologize. I just thought it would be fun to have all the people I liked with me…I guess that's Christmas for me…it was selfish."

Dr. Carter's words washed over him and without any good reasons he said, "I would really like to come, I should try harder with people."

JJ's smile was so heartfelt Spencer felt a bit dizzy. She put her hand on his arm, "Everyone will be nice." She said with conviction.

"We better go." She hurried out the door and Spencer stood there, disbelieving that he had agreed and tingling with the idea that she would include him in her Christmas.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thank you for the reviews one and all. No money gained only fun.

Whatever else be lost among the years,  
>Let us keep Christmas still a shining thing;<br>Whatever doubts assail us, or what fears,  
>Let us hold close one day, remembering<br>Its poignant meaning for the hearts of men.  
>Let us get back our childlike faith again.<br>~Grace Noll Crowell

His room had not changed much since childhood, a few academic awards and some much coveted books but it was still a neat and orderly boyish room. He sat at his now outgrown desk reading through his notes on calculus. The phone rang and broke the unhealthy quiet of the apartment, Spencer flew from his chair to the kitchen, he had been waiting, dreading, and hoping for this call for three days and his heart beat when he heard her say "Hello, Spence?"

"Hi, JJ." He spoke only just above a whisper, his mother was in the living room working on a lecture she would never give. He watched her closely as he spoke.

"Spence, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, it's just my mother is sleeping."

"Oh, bad timing…sorry…just wanted to make sure we are on for this evening? We can pick you up at about 5, don't worry about eating, we are bringing food, but bring a jacket it gets cold in the evening." JJ finished quickly.

Spencer was silent, distracted that his mother had roused from her papers and was looking his way.

"Spence, are you there?" JJ said softly, as if her voice may cause some problem for him.

"Yes, I'm here…I'll..uh…see you then." He hung up the phone quietly.

"Spencer, who was that?" His mother's eyes were boring a hole through him. "Was that one of those nosy social worker's…I've told you just to not answer." Her tone was harsher than usual and Spencer knew he needed to distract her, he had several hours before JJ was going to pick him up and he just didn't want his mother getting all worked up and him not being able to leave on time.

"No mother it was just a solicitor. He lied, sometimes it was necessary, but he didn't like it just the same.

Diana Reid was satisfied with his answer and settled back down to her papers and books. Spencer busied himself making lunch for the both of them and thought about how the evening might turn out…He wasn't really sure who was picking him up, was it JJ's mother? Who would be there, How would they react to him, he thought on all these things and when he finished making two sandwiches his stomach twisted and he couldn't take a bite of his. He walked his mother's over to her and she said thank you, not looking up and gesturing to him as if he was some kind of hired help…at least she was content and that was a small miracle of luck anyway.

He went to his room to select a sweater for the evening and looked at all his clothes, nothing seemed suitable, he wanted, just this one night to fit in, if only for JJ. He wanted to not look so thin and …there was no other word really for it, not so nerdy. He slipped into his mother's room and parted the clothes on the hangers, there behind her blouses and slacks was a box of men's sweaters and sweatshirts, the wool ones had moth holes but down at the bottom was a faded navy blue hoodie that had BROWN written across it, his father's college sweatshirt. He had always remembered his Dad wearing it on Chilly evenings in the winter, it was just the right softness and thickness, he used to rub and hold the fabric when his Dad would give him piggyback rides. It was old and worn to be sure but because it was protected by the other clothing it was still usable, it even had a mild scent of his father. He removed his glasses and slipped it over his head, luckily it fit, he glanced at the mirror on the dresser, sliding his glasses back on. It didn't look half bad, the thickness filled him out and the slightly worn edges gave him a look of casual…cool? Oh, it was a ridiculous attempt he knew but he just didn't want to think rationally today, he just wanted to fit in.

His mother was sleeping when he heard the car pull up outside, he grabbed the sweatshirt and keys and dashed outside, heading off anyone coming to the door and possibly waking her up. He took a moment to lock the door and turned to see a jeep with 4 people already inside. JJ was sitting in the back making room for him and he shook his head thinking, I will never fit.

"Come on Spence, I know it's a little cramped but it'll be fun." JJ smiled and patted the seat next to her. Spencer swallowed hard, taking in the view of the whole car and passengers. Sheila, JJ's friend was driving. He looked away from her already feeling uncomfortable from their conversation the other day. He knew Sarah Jensen, she was a nice girl in his English class and Brian Dor, another senior and star soccer player, he was seated in the front with Sheila and Spencer assumed they might be dating.

He slid in, folding his impossibly long legs into the jeep, pressed against JJ he could smell her fragrant hair. He pushed his glasses up on his nose and turned to her.

"See I knew we would have enough room." She giggled.

A female singer belted out a rock tune and the Jeep peeled out of the apartment complex, Spencer stared at his front door as they sped away.

Sarah leaned over and said, "Hi Spencer." She waved and looked cheerful.

Spencer waved back and tried to smile but he was losing his grip on exactly how he had convinced himself to agree to this.

"We're meeting the rest of the gang out off route 90." JJ supplied.

"Gang?" Spencer queried. That didn't sound good, just how many close friends did JJ have? he thought.

"Just a couple more people, they are bringing some firewood and we are going to have a bonfire. Don't worry Spence it will be fun." She rubbed his upper arm for reassurance.

He shook his head positively to go along.

They arrived at their destination, which was really nowhere in particular, it was the desert, a few scrub pines and lots of open land. They all spilled out and just as they closed the door another car pulled up beside them. Five more seniors, Spencer knew only by sight got out, three guys and two more girls, they had blankets and a cooler, a small axe and some rope.

Brian motioned to the guys, "Let's go collect more fire wood and find a good spot." The guys headed over to him and they started walking north. The girls busied themselves with blankets and presumably a couple of baskets of food. Spencer stood between them at a total loss of what to do and a wave of familiar acid washed through his belly. It was to be another trying experience, not belonging, only watching.

"Hey Spence, come on, we gotta get firewood." Brian had motioned to him from a few feet ahead and like a life line being thrown in his direction he grabbed it and trotted over.

"Guys, you know Spencer Reid, JJ's friend." Spencer inwardly smiled at the moniker of being JJ's friend, as if Brian knew that it was all that was needed to make him accepted."

"Oh, yeah sure. I'm Patrick, this is Steve and back there is Marcy, Steve's girlfriend." Patrick stated matter-of-factly.

Spencer felt relieved that at least they were acknowledging his presence.

Some old dried wood lay splintered and scattered on the ground and the guys took some time to each gather an armload…Spencer found it interesting that they seemed so naturally to break off into male and female traditional roles, it would make an interesting paper to compare the current social climate that is written about and the reality of what really transpires when young men and women foregather, he pondered as he picked up one more suitable log.

They headed back to where the girls were and he saw that the girls had set out some blankets with the food on it. They dumped the logs in a spot and went over and sat down on the blankets. The food looked delicious and they all helped themselves and ate. JJ sat down next to Spencer and laughed and joked with her friends. When they had finished the guys went over to make the fire. Spencer watched from a distance, not wanting to overstep his welcome. Patrick was having some trouble getting the fire started and shook his head in annoyance when it went out for the second time.

"Spence I brought your sweatshirt from the car." JJ handed it to him and Spencer thanked her and slid it on.

"That looks nice on you." JJ beamed up at him.

"Thanks." Spencer looked away to hide his blush and caught sight of Patrick getting more and more frustrated.

He took a chance and walked over. "I think if you get a little more oxygen at the bottom it will light for you." Spencer nearly held his breath.

"Can you show me?" Patrick stood and asked him.

"Sure." Spencer went to work and retrieved all the instruction he had read and memorized on making camp fires. In no time the bonfire was roaring and all they had to do was add logs throughout their stay.

Brian patted Spencer on the back. "Great Job Spence, you're a life saver."

Spencer walked back over to JJ, she had finished cleaning up from the picnic and was putting on her sweatshirt.

"Great fire, thank goodness you came." She smiled up at him

He was bewildered, flummoxed, never in his life had he dreamt that life could be this …well…fun. It had been so long since he had friends or been with people his own age outside of school. "JJ your friends are very nice people." He admitted it before realizing it didn't sound very cool.

"Did you expect them to be mean…like me." She teased.

"No…it's just that well…wait, your teasing me." They both laughed.

"Let's get closer to the fire I'm getting cold." She shivered under her maroon sweatshirt and they walked together over to the fire. They sat down on some blankets and watched the flames dance in the desert twilight.

The stars had come out and Sheila pointed up to a very bright one. I think that's Orion there. The teens chattered on about how cool stars were and some basic science facts, when they quieted Spencer tentatively raised a hand and pointed out a cluster of stars known as the seven sisters. He recanted their story, seeing the words before him from his mother's book of mythology and he was so assured in the story he could control the timber and depth of his voice, the group was entranced and their minds floated with him into another time and place. He told them how the sisters were so devastated at the loss of their father Atlas they committed suicide and then Zeus immortalized them as stars. He explained how they were called the Pleiads and that they always followed Orion in the night sky.

" Many a night I saw the Pleiads, rising through the mellow shade, Glittering like a swarm of fireflies tangled in a silver braid." He finished quietly and then said, "Alfred Lord Tenneyson."

After the story everyone was quiet. JJ fumbled with the blanket, trying to bring it up to cover her shoulder and Spencer noticed and adjusted it for her, gathering the fabric around her shoulders and pulling it secure in her front, pausing to gaze at her for a second more than was needed. He looked away, taking off his glasses and cleaning them with his sweatshirt.

The group turned their heads at some lights coming near them in the direction of the cars. The high beams blinded them and Spencer put his arm out protectively to shield JJ from whatever or whoever the intruder was.

"Oh it's just Taylor and Jeff, I didn't know they were coming" Patrick sounded less than pleased.

Spencer sighed and slipped his glasses back on, and looked down, not wanting any trouble tonight.

"Hey you losers what kind of a party is this?" Taylor shouted while he was carrying two suitcases of beer.

He opened the boxes and started tossing them to each person. After he threw one to JJ and she caught it, he noticed Reid was there.

"Wait is that Spencer?"

"Yeah." JJ said oblivious to the tone in Taylor's voice.

"Heads up." Taylor threw a beer can at Spencer's head, he hadn't had time to react but Patrick reached out and grabbed it just in time.

"Whoa Taylor give the guy a little warning." Patrick handed Reid the beer and Reid declined but thanked him for catching it.

"No problem man." Patrick smiled.

Spencer could tell that Patrick wasn't crazy about Taylor, so at least not everyone was a fan.

Jeff walked over by JJ, on her other side and sat down. They talked for a few minutes. Taylor grabbed some logs and threw them on the fire.

"Lets get this thing cranking, its lame." He said too loud.

Spencer realized that he may have been drunk already. He glanced at JJ, who was conversing with Jeff, she had opened her beer but only taken one sip.

Taylor had thrown so much wood on the fire that he had essentially buried it and it was starting to go out.

"Oh darn" Patrick exclaimed. "It's losing oxygen at the bottom now, right Spence?" He had asked.

"Right, should we try to fix it before everyone gets too cold?" Spencer suggested as he was getting up.

He and Patrick took sticks and shifted the fire and soon enough the flames rose up again. When Spencer turned Taylor was sitting in his seat on the blanket with his arm around JJ.

"JJ you're so pretty, here drink some of your beer I brought it for you, it's a present." He waved the can in her face, she wriggled away but he held his arm firm around her.

Spencer tensed up but sat down between Patrick and Marcy. Marcy offered him a spare blanket and he gratefully accepted.

Taylor tipped the can up to JJ's mouth and poured some in, she choked and gagged a little. Spencer was off the ground walking around Patrick to get to Taylor but he wasn't quick enough. Jeff had taken Taylor off guard and had hoisted him up off the ground.

"Come on Taylor buddy, we have a tree to cut down." Jeff grabbed the saw and headed with Taylor in the direction of a scrub pine not far from the fire.

JJ wiped her mouth and dabbed at the beer that Taylor had made her spill on her shirt.

"JJ, are you alright?" Spencer sat down next to her.

"I'm fine Spence but if my mother smells my sweatshirt I'll be grounded for a week." JJ sounded forlorn.

Spencer never said a word, he silently took off his father's college sweatshirt and gave it to JJ.

"Oh I can't Spence you'll be cold and I don't want you smelling like beer from my sweatshirt." JJ reasoned.

"I'm not cold, give me yours and I'll wash it at my house, I have to do laundry tomorrow anyway." Spencer smiled to ease her feelings.

JJ slipped the sweatshirt over her head, "Thanks, I shouldn't have been sipping that beer anyway. It was wrong but sometimes I do stupid things to just fit in…" she ducked her head and laughed at herself. "But you never do that Spence, you're so strong that way." She looked up at him with such admiration in her eyes that he felt guilty not explaining how much that wasn't true, especially tonight.

Their moment was broken by the sound of Taylor yelling in the distance. JJ rolled her eyes.

"I think it's time to get out of here before trouble starts." JJ stood up and Reid gathered up their blanket, he was thankful that JJ had suggested this as he thought the same thing about Taylor and in truth he was cold without his sweatshirt.

Taylor and Jeff came into view, Jeff was dragging a decent size pine tree.

"You're not leaving are you?" Taylor came around to JJ.

"JJ stay, I was only kidding before I'm sorry." Taylor pleaded.

JJ looked at Spencer and searched him for an answer. "You know I really should be getting back." She said quickly.

Spencer's stomach rolled thinking of how he was going to be repaid for this by Taylor, he would have to remember not be alone anywhere for too long at school for a few weeks.

"JJ I'll put the tree on top of Sheila's car for you now." Jeff spoke up from behind the group.

"I'll help you." Spencer offered quickly and the two walked off in the direction of the cars.

Jeff and Spencer hoisted the pine tree up onto the jeep and worked to tie it in place with the rope that was available.

"So Spencer are you ready for the big debate coming up?" Jeff questioned as they worked.

"I think so…I've read up on all the likely questions given at such contests and have researched some pertinent legal cases to back up any of those arguments"…Spencer realized that he was not being conversational and tried to soften his statements. "uh…how do you feel about it…?"

"Well…not so good now.." Jeff laughed easily as he pulled the final knot on the rope.

Spencer's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "Really?" he queried.

"No, Spencer, I'm fine, just sounds like you've gone a few steps further." Jeff smiled.

Spencer didn't quite understand but smiled back anyway.

"C'mon we better make sure Taylor's not getting into trouble." Jeff motioned to Spencer to follow along.

Patrick was working the fire and the girls were huddled together for warmth, everyone was quiet and Taylor was nowhere in sight.

"Where is he?" Jeff asked the group.

"I think he getting sick over by the pines." Sheila pointed behind her completely nonplussed.

"Oh boy." Jeff hurriedly made his way in that direction.

JJ unwrapped the blanket around her and started to follow Jeff.

Spencer watched the two walk into the darkness in the direction Taylor had wandered, he hesitated, the inky blackness prickled at the edge of his intellect and the hairs on the back of his neck brushed upwards, warning him of his fear. His mouth went dry and he licked his lips, all he could think of was JJ and with a surge of energy he took a step into a place he tried to avoid at all costs.

The desert had turned cold, colder than Spencer had ever realized, he wasn't used to being out at night, the stars were incredible, distracting and beautiful, they seemed to fill the air to the horizon.

"JJ" Reid whispered, he wasn't sure why.

He heard a scream, he turned, he was sure it was JJ. His eyes were beginning to adjust and he could make out shapes of trees, he took strides in the direction of her scream.

"JJ, where are you?" He yelled now, frantic to find her.

His feet came in contact with something and he stumbled, catching his balance just in time.

"Spence." JJ said relieved.

Spencer bent down and felt for her, she replied by lifting her arms up and he lifted her, wrapping his arms around her.

"Oh Spence, I tripped over something…I think I hear Taylor though." JJ was shaking and still holding on to Spencer. "I'm scared Spence…I'm all turned around in the dark. Shelia's right I have to start wearing my glasses, I can't see a thing." JJ admitted.

"It's alright.." Spencer soothed both of them with words, he took one hand from around her and pointed up. "We have the stars with us, we'll always know the right way." He tried to sound self-assured but wasn't sure if she was convinced. He didn't respond to her finally admitting about needing her glasses, he sensed she was feeling embarrassed and ashamed, he was intimately familiar with that feeling and was always grateful when people ignored the situation.

"Let's see if Taylor is over there." Spencer made to walk to a rustling he heard when JJ stopped him, she slowly raised her hands to Spencer's face and very gently pulled him down. He tensed, not sure what she was doing, thinking perhaps she was hurt or was going to tell him a secret and then he felt it, her lips softly brushed his own and he felt a charge down through his legs.

"I'm sorry this isn't more fun for you Spencer, I wish Taylor hadn't shown up."

Spencer, still reeling from the kiss, at least that's what he believed it to be, looked down at her, the light from the stars made her blond hair glow in the dark and he felt a sense of manliness that he had never known before.

He felt courage and strength, the need to protect and love and before he censored his thoughts they spilled out into the dark. "I have not felt this alive in a long time and I have you to thank for that…you have given me such a Christmas JJ." His voice faltered on her name and they just stood for a moment suspended in their emotions.

Jeff came into view then holding onto Taylor. "You got JJ Spence?" Jeff questioned.

Spencer nodded in understanding and he and JJ watched Jeff half support Taylor while walking him out of the desert.

"We should go now too." JJ spoke in a low tone and slipped her hand down to rest it in Spencer's. They walked together under the seven sisters and Orion, the air cold but the feelings warm.


	5. Chapter 5

Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to. ~George Seaton

The jeep pulled up to Spencer's apartment building. He grabbed JJ's sweatshirt he had promised to wash and made to open the door. He looked back and waved, seeing JJ smile and wave back. It had been a fantastic evening even though Taylor had been annoying and he was unsure how the events that took place might cause him some discomfort at school after the holiday.

All was quiet as he entered, his mother had put herself to bed and all he needed to do was clean up a few random books and start the laundry. He shivered as he passed through to the washer and dryer. The desert had been so cold but he had ceased to notice his own low temperature until now, having been heated since JJ had kissed him. He stripped down to his boxers, throwing all his clothes in along with the beer stained sweatshirt and turned on the machine. He hurried to his room to find some warm pajamas and some slippers. Their landlord froze them in the winter and broiled them in the summer.

After changing he laid down on his bed, waiting for the clothes to be finished and reviewing the evening. He liked most of JJ's friends and he believed that she had kissed him in the desert but with each passing hour he was less sure. He knew he had held her and she had brought his face down and he was almost positive she had made contact with his lips. Could it have been a mistake? An accident?...he drifted off to sleep, forgetting about the laundry.

The rest of the Christmas holiday had passed quietly, without incident and on the night before school he was taking out the trash he saw JJ in the parking lot of his building.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Spencer nervously eyed his front door and felt a sense of dread that JJ was so close to his house.

"I was worried. I tried calling you for days and I just kept getting a weird beeping sound?"

"Really?" Spencer put the trash can down and covered over his knowledge that his mother must have pulled the cord out of the wall again. She occasionally did this and he wouldn't realize sometimes until days later. He rarely used the phone and they rarely received calls.

"Sorry, we have problems with our line sometimes."

"I'm just glad you're alright. I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas."

He hadn't noticed she was carrying a package. It was brown paper tied with a red ribbon.

"I made something for you." She walked closer and handed him the package.

Spencer took the package and didn't know what to say. He knew he should invite her inside and open his present, he should introduce JJ to his mother and offer her a cup of hot chocolate but he was so afraid, he had never let anyone in that far.

"Spence, it's just some baked goods, don't freak out." JJ laughed.

"What…Oh…thank you JJ." He saw no way out, he would have to at least let her in, fix the phone and call Mrs. Jareau to come pick her up, it was getting dark and he couldn't let her walk home alone.

"Would you like to come in and warm up?"

"Sure." She smiled.

They walked to the apartment door and just before the front stepped he stopped.

"I have to tell you something. It's my mother…she…uh…isn't well."

"Oh…I'm so sorry Spence…is there anything I can do?"

"Uh…no." He hesitated, this could be enough to make her leave, if she walked quickly it wouldn't be too dark by the time she got home….No, he mentally chastised himself, he wouldn't leave her again because of fear.

"It's not like a cold or flu JJ, she is mentally ill." His chest heaved, it was the first time he had admitted it to someone besides himself.

"Oh…" JJ had a distant look on her face. Spencer's head went down, he was ashamed of his situation, his home, his mother and of himself. Then he felt a hand on his back and realized that his friend was putting her arm around him and rubbing his back.

"Hey…it's ok…can I still meet her, I'd like to." JJ looked under to catch a glimpse of Spencer's expression, her own was a questioning smile.

"Please don't tell anyone, I just like to keep this private." Spencer spoke quietly.

"Of course." JJ put her other arm around him and brought him into a hug. He was stiff at first as he had been in the library but after a few seconds he loosened up and hugged her back.

He stepped up, heart pounding and opened the apartment door. His mother was sitting at her desk writing and referencing a book. Spencer hoped that her calm demeanor meant she was having a more lucid evening.

"Mom, I'd like you to meet someone." Spencer kept JJ slightly behind him, just in case, it had been a long while since anyone knew had come over.

JJ stepped from around him and greeted his mother.

"Hello Mrs. Reid. I'm JJ, I go to school with Spencer, we're lab partners in Science class."

Mrs. Reid pushed back from her writing and looked at the girl and then looked at Spencer.

He really is equally good in all the subjects but of course my hopes were always for English, but if it is to be Science that's alright. Can you too work in the kitchen I'm just in the middle of a lecture for my class and I really do need to finish."

"Of course we can." Spencer breathed a sigh of relief at that interchange going as well as it had. He tugged JJ back towards the kitchen and positioned himself with his back to his mother.

JJ looked up to him, catching the expression in his eyes.

She shook her head back and forth and whispered, "There's no lecture….is there?"

Spencer could only get out the quietest of "no" and then sighed, half from shame and half from relief.

JJ not being able to process all of these emotions she was feeling for Spencer blurted out "I should probably get back."

Spencer nodded in agreement, he knew it would end this way all along, he knew she would find out, it would be awkward and frightening for her and she would flee. He didn't blame her, it almost felt good, dependable. He could go back to being himself, student and caretaker for his mother.

"Let me fix the phone line and we'll call your Mom to come get you." Spencer knelt down to where the wire had been pulled out of the jack, funny he hadn't even noticed.

JJ called her Mom and the two stepped outside to wait. JJ felt awkward about broaching the subject of his mother but she couldn't help worrying about Spencer and how long he had been dealing with all this.

"How long has your Mom been…uh…"

"Mentally ill, not sure, her symptoms reached a peak when my Dad left and then it's been all about getting the medication correct and getting her to take it and well…", he trailed off not wanting JJ to know how he had to make her seem better than she was for the Doctor's appointments so the social workers wouldn't come calling.

JJ reached down and covered his hand with hers, "…and what else…you can tell me, Spence, please."

He had never told, not even Dr. Carter but now with College approaching he didn't know if he could do this alone anymore. He ran his hand threw his hair and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"I…I have had to, at times report less symptoms or downplay behaviors she's had in the past, in order to stay together and not be removed to foster care." His eyes welled with tears and his chest burned with guilt for being a coward. He knew his mother would have had better treatment if she had been removed from their apartment but he also knew he would have been thrown into foster care and all the statistics weighed out that he had a better chance for himself if they stayed together and he took care of her. He had been selfish all along and now the sweetest and most beautiful person he had ever met knew all about him.

"Oh Spence…JJ put her hand up to cup his cheek. She looked deep into his eyes. "You have done such a great job of taking care of your mother and…yourself." JJ's eyes teared up as well.

They both heard her mother's car and wiped at their eyes. JJ turned and went up on her toes and at the same time tugged Spencer down and kissed him on the cheek.

"Happy New Year, Spencer Reid!"

Spencer smiled down at her drinking in her scent and smile, feeling giddy with having released a secret and gained.


End file.
